physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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