This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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