giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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