I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
