Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
