If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
