a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
