You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
