I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
