you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
