I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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