It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize