I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
