I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's official drugs can't kill me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
