The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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