You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
