Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't think brook has ever known best
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
