Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
