Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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