good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
