Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize