at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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