On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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