My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
