I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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