Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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