The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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