he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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