I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
