nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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