You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
