Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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