I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
