I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
