I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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