whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
