We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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