My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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