ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
