i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
