You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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