:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
