Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
