During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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