You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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