It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
