The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
