I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
