Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
