We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cut my penus on the lid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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