did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
