WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
