made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
