This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
