I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
