so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
