did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He better not be in your backpack
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
