I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
