Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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