my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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