Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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