i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
