Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize