Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
