I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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