No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
