Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
