Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
