would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
